New Crack: Postage Due - The Real "Love Letters"

[peg22]

So it ain't been all sunshine and roses round my door lately (except for Ogunquit and lobster bibs
and paint samples)
And then I find that the Charlie Brown cloud has wandered out west and dropped in on my
dear and trusted comrade in crack.

Plus the fact that the boys have completely gone off the rails of late. Complete with pictures.

And then . . . Jerry Hall? It's like they're begging me to write it. Sending me subliminal messages through rabbi beards and skinny rock icons.
I give in.

Here's the crack.
It's for LS - cuz if Davey can't cure it, it can't be cured.

It's P/D
WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON - Dr. Smith's a Big Ol' Mo.

Postage Due - The Real "Love Letter"

Hello.

Rabbi?

Uh . . . no . . .

Rabbi Glaser, is this you?

Davey?

I was hoping to catch you before Sabbath.

Are you drunk?

Yes.

Where are you?

In Dublin.

You’re still in Dublin?

Yes, Rabbi.

What’s with the Rabbi?

You tell me. Saw your interview.

What interview?

The one where you came out.

What?

As a Rabbi. And a perv.

Oka,y Davey – you know it’s 6am here – you gotta go a little slower.

O. K. Paul –eee. So, what’s up with the beard? “Fiddler 2 – Perchik’s Revenge?”

Ohhhhh, you saw the interview.

Ohhhh, the man joins the party.

Fuck off – been on the Vineyard. Didn’t want to shave.

No one kissing your mug I take it.

Not lately.

You’re breaking my heart, Paulie. Get your ass over here. Got a proper snog for you.

I think your dance card is full. Jerry Hall? Really, Davey. Jerry Hall?

Hey, it was her agent’s doing.

You did her agent?

Oh, so early and yet so funny.

No, really. Jerry Hall allowed you to sit next to her? Actually share a stage? After last time?

Paulie, last time was 30 years ago. And she’s not with Mick anymore. And it paid my

condo fee. And I got a month in Dublin. You on the other hand . . .

Oh, this should be good . . .

You’ve been all up and down the East Coast, talking like a crazy person, with inappropriate hugging and unflattering facial hair. I leave you alone for a couple of months . . .

I’m on vacation, Davey. Vacation. Plus I’ve been out here helping Jake.

I’ve seen him a couple of times. Damn, Paulie – he’s so grown up.

I know. I can hardly believe it. Took him to the Today Show, had to sit in the green room. He handled it all like a pro. Got a little teary.

He’s your best work, Paulie. Your best.

Yeah.

Wait – you boo-hooed at the Today Show?

No, I said I got a little teary. It was emotional.

You don’t tear up, Paulie. You boo hoo – your face gets all whacked out, your shoulders shake, you can’t tell if you’re crying or trying to blow a bubble. Jesus, Paulie – did Roker see you? I mean we got a reputation to . . .

I did not boo hoo. Unlike you – when you found out we won “Best TV Couple of the Decade.”

Hey! That was something. We beat out Stephanie Powers and Robert what’s his name. And pardon me if I got a little emotional when they actually called us a couple.

Okay, so I know there is some method buried deep in your madness. To what do I owe this phone call, Davey? All the bar birds go home early? Guinness keg run dry?

So early and yet so sarcastic.

Yes, and you’re the template of sincerity.

Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I was just calling because Mick stopped by earlier . . .

Oh, you’ve just been waiting to spring that sentence on me, haven’t you?

Well, he did.

Davey, you expect me to believe that you actually live in a world where Mick Jagger just happens to stop by the pub you’re pickling yourself in, while you just happen to be appearing with his ex-wife in a play?

He came to see her.

Uh huh. Did Keith come along?

I don’t know. So Mick invited us out to his country place next month. And I think we should go.

Us?  Mick asked us? As in you and Jerry Hall? Is there something you’re not telling me, Davey?

Always. But not about this. And us as in you and me. Me and you.

If you say me and thee, I’m hanging up.

Well . . . he just asked if you were over here and I told him you were sitting Shiva on the East Coast and one thing led to another and he asked us out to his place.

What thing led to another?

God, you old woman – we got to talking about the old days and he couldn’t believe we were still friends . . .

Why couldn’t he believe that – he’s still with Keith . . .

Calm down, Paulie. It was 30 years ago, remember? All forgotten. All forgiven. I think he just wants to hang out with people his own age. You know. Us.

So what did you tell him?

I told him I’d have to call and wake your old lady ass up and you’d probably give me all kinds of hell and ruin my buzz and get me hard for no reason, but I’d get back to him.

(silence)

Paulie?

So, did I do that?

Do what?

All that – hell, buzz, you know . . .

You keep talking like that . . .

I’m just talking, Davey.

Yeah, okay. Whatever. So you going to come with me?

Come with you?

So early and yet so fucking sexy.

I try.

Come on, Paulie

Comin’ on Davey.

Seriously – you want to go with me?

I’d rather come with you.

You’re not going to stop, are you?
I will if you will.

Okay, I’m going to hang up now. I’ll call you later.

Yes, I will.

You will what?

I will go with you to Mick Jagger’s old fogey shindig.

Great!

As long as it’s not a date.

Paulie, it’s always a date.

That’s what I’m afraid of.

No, Rabbi, that’s what you’re counting on.

Shabbat Shalom, Davey. Call me after sundown.

Oh, you turn me on when you get all rabbinical.

I’m turning the phone off now, Davey.

Wish it were that easy, Paulie.

Comments

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

I love you so fucking much.

[peg22.livejournal.com]

that's why I do it . . . thanks!

[lyricalsoul.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

You fucking had me at "Hello, Rabbi".

Sitting shiva. Sabbath references. Inappropriate touching. Fiddler reference. All in one tidbit? You are made of awesome.

You have made my evening a bit brighter. (Helps that NCIS is on, too.*g*)

*smooooooch*

[peg22.livejournal.com]

glad it helped - and I watched NCIS last night - you are siren song.
And mad mad love of the icon - sigh - JB.

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Always. But not about this. And us as in you and me. Me and you.
If you say me and thee, I’m hanging up. Oh, I did cackle at this. I'm so glad you gave in to temptation and scribbled this. I must admit, when I saw the picture of David hanging on to Jerry Hall, I thought of you. Rabbi Glaser, tearing up on the today show, Mick and Keith all forgiven.. So short and yet so fucking brilliant.

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks my girl. crack is good for the soul. especially since it writes itself, really.

[benzine-torch.livejournal.com]

I live for this crack.

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks - must keep you alive then! Will write more.

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

Just wonderful. I love their banter as you write it. Curious--when did they win "Couple of the Decade"? Or is that a false award?

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks! false in what way??? I mean, I just record the phone conversations . . . ;)

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're nothing more than a secretary.

HA!

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

I don't have your email address! So I hope you get this.

http://community.livejournal.com/starsky_hutch/695280.html

Closest, best friend, he says.

*dies, thinks of you*

[peg22.livejournal.com]

yes, well . . . I just record the facts . . .

thanks for the link!

The real love letters

[redtorino.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL That is soooooo good and so funny! Love it!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Re: The real love letters

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks - those boys are still so funny!

[(Anonymous)]

Soooo funny!
This bit had been ROFL

"O. K. Paul –eee. So, what’s up with the beard? “Fiddler 2 – Perchik’s Revenge?”

Ohhhhh, you saw the interview.

Ohhhh, the man joins the party.

Fuck off – been on the Vineyard. Didn’t want to shave."

Sarah

[provencepuss.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to see the screen through tears of laughter!

[peg22.livejournal.com]

oh good! love those kind of tears. thanks for reading!

[mashfanficchick.livejournal.com]

Oh my God! Somehow I missed this one! Good thing I came over here, looking to reread some of your older crack. So, thoughts...who am I kidding, I can never think after reading these! Can't I just copy/paste the whole thing in the comment and call it love? No? Okay.

*tries to parse out her favorite bits*

Well, the whole beginning, for starters. Paulie the Rabbi and Davey in the pub. And God if I don't just agree with Davey's assessment for once! Not to mention now I SO wanna know what happened in the past with Davey and Paulie and Mick and Keith (especially since one of my less charitable comments about David Soul has a bit of a Keith Richards reference in it). And,

I told him I'd have to call and wake your old lady ass up and you'd probably give me all kinds of hell and ruin my buzz and get me hard for no reason, but I'd get back to him.

I don't know, there's just something about this line that's so...it's one thing the way they speak to each other, y'know, and yet somehow this makes perfect sense.

Um. Yeah. So. *holds out psychedelic-painted hookah bowl, Oliver Twist-style* Please, Master, may we have some more? *g*

[peg22.livejournal.com]

I was wondering where you were . . .;)

I love that line, too. So Davey, somehow.
And you can't believe, but Stefanie Powers and Robert Wagner were on Graham Norton show this weekend - I swear, I don't make this up - I'm sure Davey will have plenty to say about that!

[mashfanficchick.livejournal.com]

And you can't believe, but Stefanie Powers and Robert Wagner were on Graham Norton show this weekend - I swear, I don't make this up - I'm sure Davey will have plenty to say about that!

*snickers* Fine by me. Especially if he calls...hell, any of his friends to snark. 'Cause, y'know, Davey-snark is just always so much fun!

[ange18074.livejournal.com]

Much appreciated

The real "Love Letters"

[oasis3017.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I found your latest enjoyable conversation between the two; You capture their voices so perfectly; it's almost as if I hear them talk...:-)
Thanks, Kaye!

Monika:

Re: The real "Love Letters"

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks monika - I do love writing those boys!