III. Summer Crack: Voicemail

[peg22]

More merriment. It's like the Torino's heading downhill fast and no one has realized that the brakes have been cut  . . .  

III. Summer Crack: Voice Mail

 

This is Paul – please leave a message. Beeeeeeeeeep.

 

Goddamnit, Paulie. Why don’t you ever pick up your goddamn phone? Well, I guess you’ll know soon enough – I’m headed to New York. With Fry. No, I’m not giving you the phone. Call him on your own goddamn phone.  Why don’t you do something useful like get us another drink? Sorry, Paulie - so I hope you’ve got a double because it looks like I’m gonna be your roomie for a while. Fuck off, Fry – no I’m not going to tell him that. I guess it’s all going to hell with Junkie and the Kid – so remember your promise. What? Oh, thanks, hon. No, he’s not my  . . . yes, yes, Owen Wilson was great . . . thanks. So if you get this message, call me back. I know how much you hate surprises and spontaneity – although I remember a few spontaneous moments – really, fuck off, you oversized fairy – go scare some kids in coach, will ya? Sorry again, Paulie – you know how much I hate to fly and this fucker is on my last nerve. So I’ll see you in a few hours. Which is the one thought that’s keeping me sober. Love you.

 

*****

 

Yes, well you’ve reached my mobile. Leave a message. Thanks. Ta.

 

Junket, never fear. We are headed to you now. I’m bringing along David Soul for added entertainment, as well as a deterrent in case you decide to  . . . oh, what do they say in America? In case you decide to go off the reservation. Which now that I think about it, is not a very nice saying. Leave it to Americans. Yes, well, you’re one of the Queen’s boys now, aren’t you – so sip your scotch and think up ways to distract Starsky – that’s your job. Sorry, Hugh, the old lion is a little growly on the transcontinental. So, what I put forth is a few nights with me at the Plaza, we’ll ring up all the old gang – you still have Rickman’s mobile number don’t you? I think Emma’s in Los Angeles, she’ll fly over and god knows Simon Cowell could use some merriment. Did you see the way he and the Seahorse hissed at each other during that cart and pony show they do? Heavens. So, just put down the bottle and sit tight. We will be there soon and you can forget all about Wordsworth and his beautiful eyebrows because I plan on throwing the most fabulous bacchanalian soirée in your honor. We land at six. Ta ra, mon amore. Oh yes, well perhaps you should master English first, you sexy old man. And keep your hands to yourself – I will not be another notch in the belt of your mile high club.  *click.*

 

*****

It’s David. You’ve reached me. Leave it. Beeeeeeeeeppppp.

 

Davey, it’s me. I could barely understand what you were saying. You’re coming to New York? That’s great, but you know my schedule when I’m working – I don’t know how much time I’ll have. Yeah, I heard about the kid. But you know he and Hugh had cooled it since the strike. From what I heard (and don’t get your dick in a twist) there were some trust issues. I guess not everyone can do it like we do. And stop with the eyebrows. I know, I know. Actually, I’m really glad you’re coming, I mean  – damn, it’s a landmine, talking to you . . . hang on – yes, 12 is okay, but . . . oh, make it 4 – see if Waterston wants to do 4 instead – I got a thing . . . yeah. Sorry, Davey – well I’m free now till 4 tomorrow. So call me when your plane lands. And tell Fry he’s overreacting. I’m sure Hugh is fine with this. Love you, too. Bye. 

 

*****

 

Hello, you’ve reached Robert’s cell phone. Please leave a message or try my assistant. Thanks.

 

Hey, Kid. It’s Paul. I guess all hell is breaking loose on your end. Have you talked to Hugh? His manager said he’s in New York, but I can’t get him at his hotel. Call me back. You also need to know that Stephen and Davey are headed this way, on some mission of mercy that includes kidnapping I think – so stuff the fiancé out in the country. Remember the rules. And call me. I’m on set until eight. And if you hear from Hugh . . . on second thought – I’d better steer clear of that. Oh and congratulations . . . if you really want it. Now don’t do anything stupid and call me back. And don’t get into any limos with old men dangling candy. Remember the rules. Bye.

 

*****

 

Ring, ring. Talk, talk. Beep, beep. Ta.

 

Stephen, it’s Em. I just got the most dreadful email from Hugh. What is going on? He’s in New York, alone, apparently drinking his way through Chelsea. I can’t get through on his mobile. He said something about Bobby and a wedding and a trifle dish. Will you please call me? I’m going to see if I can get away for a couple of days. He sounds like he did when you . . . well, you know, when you . . . and Jude Law . . . I don’t think I need to mention any more of that sad, sordid tale, do I? So I suspect you’ll come right? And stay at the Plaza, right? If I’m not there already, call me. I may stay with Uma. And don’t say a word. We’re just friends. Oh, by the way, what in the world did you do to Ryan Seacrest? He won’t even look at me. Okay, dear . . . ta for now. And if you decide to come, your dear friend Em would be so ever grateful if you bring me some Quavers. The crisps here are bullocks. Cheers.

Comments

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

Good lord! It really is a cast of thousands, isn't it? Can't wait to see how this all shakes out.

[peg22.livejournal.com]

me too - gulp!

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

I am thoroughly confused and I can't wait to see you sort it all out. OMG. This is enjoyable stuff, I LOVE you!

[peg22.livejournal.com]

love your icon! I just hope the boys can sort it out themselves, they made need fangirl intervention . . .

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

Thanks! All the images are from shfan but I put them all together. Poor Starsky, lol.

[thayln.livejournal.com]

I am so loving this. It's beginning to have a classic comedy of manners feel. Very Sheridan, dahling. Can't wait to see how it all plays out.

*just grins and grins*

[peg22.livejournal.com]

Oh Sheridan . . . very nice! Stephen Fry's influence I fear - he's all Noel Coward meets Oscar Wilde at the ManHole . . .

[nova-mist.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay! You're writing more DS/PMG-and-everyone-else RPF crack! XD You are so my hero!

Love it so far - can't wait to read the rest! ;)

[peg22.livejournal.com]

glad you like it - yeah I just love to add everyone I can think of . . .

[nova-mist.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love it! :D Your RPF is made of win and awesome ;)

Probably the dumbest question you've ever been asked, but is it true these guys all know each other in real life? *blushes* I mean, obviously, Emma, Hugh, and Stephen were at uni together, and DS and PMG are boyfriends...but is it true that the two circles cross over? Becuase that would be awesome! ;)

Can't wait for the next part! :)

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Oh sistah you iz on a roll!!! This was the perfect chorlte to come back to after being netless and away again. My favourite is still a pissy Davey, just love him. Bachgen, thou art genius.

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks girly - I do love that Davey, too. (p.s. did you read my Jet Lag sequel??? up in my journal . . . )