Flashback Crack: It's Always Harder on the One Left Behind

[peg22]

 

So in honor of  mashfanficchick and kimberlyfdr and their mini SH con - where I know Kimberly is massively pimping  all of her gorgeous SH gems - I thought I'd do a litle retro-crack. Since they're watching Season 4 and since Season 4 is where (IMO) the thin layer separating our heroes from their RL counterparts shredded into a thousand pieces of confetti ( I mean, have you seen Starsky Vs Hutch?), then that's where it starts. 

That and the little comment on Me&Thee about what Paul was allegedly doing during this shot:



(Actually I was cleaning and found an old cassette of a phone call that was intercepted by some British blokes who are almost as snarky as our boys . . . and I transcribed it.)

 

 

 

"It's Always Harder on the One Left Behind"

A completely fabricated, but totally accurate transcription . . .


Hello.

You awake?

Yeah. Just got home. Joe and Aaron double-teamed me in the parking lot . . .

Did it hurt?

It's going to hurt you more, Davey. They want to shoot the scene over.

What scene?

The parking lot.

What did you say?

I told them to fuck off.

Good for you, Paulie.

Yeah, but they still want a reshoot.

Did you tell them I have to be in London on Saturday?

I think they know that - doesn't everyone?

Gonna miss me?

I just want to get this thing in the can. You know they cut the second unit today.

Oh, I love when you talk dirty to me.

Fuck off, Davey. I'm tired. And before I go to bed, I've got to figure out a way to get you and Tony an extra scene tomorrow - with no second unit.

You mean that little exposition thing? With the phone call? Why not at Huggy's?

It's gone already. Cheap bastards. Apparently Robert Wagner needed a bigger dressing room.

Fuck, Paulie. I'm sorry - they give you the show and then they pull the rug out from under you.

It's okay - I'll figure it out.

Hell, Tony lives a couple of miles from here - let's just shoot it on the street in the morning. Like at a phone booth.

Yeah, it might work . . . Just a tight shot, I could do it all hand-held . . .

Again with the dirty talk - between that and the little stunt you pulled today - one might get the wrong impression, Mr. Glaser.

It wasn't a stunt. It was for you. I was trying to get you to play shock.

Yes, but I don't think Hutch is supposed to die of a heart attack in that scene, Paulie.

Hutch could handle it.

Hutch would like to handle it - don't you need to come over? Give me some notes?

Davey, we have to be back on set in six hours. Plus, we agreed.

That agreement was null and void when you whipped it out for me today. Did you see the look on Picerni's face?

It worked, didn't it? I got the shot.

Actually I don't think Hutch would survive that.

What? My . . .

No - Starsky dead on the pavement. Just thinking about seeing you there fucked me up.

Which is why your director had to use drastic measures to get your reaction. I knew you were over-thinking the whole thing.

I'd like to measure my director - damn you, Paulie, I'm going to miss this.

Not now, Davey - we agreed.

When, then, Paulie? When do I get to tell you what a fuckhead I think you were for stepping down from this. From us.

We got cancelled.

Yeah, only because they got wind of your defection - you think they'd have cancelled us if Aaron thought you'd be back?

We've already talked about this. And I'm not walking away from "us". You're the one flying off to Europe for six months.

 

Say the word, Paulie, say the word. I’m here.

 

You are not – you have to go. Fulfill your destiny as the next big thing. I just mean . . . we’re still . . .

 

What? What are we still?

 

We’re us. Always us. It’s time Davey. We need to end this thing. This show. These characters need a happily ever after. And so do we.

 

So that’s why we’re shooting the last day in bed? Starsky and Hutch and their happy ending?

 

Kind of. No. I don’t know. It just seems like something you’d do - you have done – crawling in bed with me at inappropriate moments . . .

 

Confirming the primetime homo thing, by the way.

 

I don’t care. I wanted us all together. And even ABC can’t have me shot one day and down at Huggy’s shooting pool the next. Had to be a hospital.

 

I know. It’s good. Really, Paulie. The episode is going to be good. Better than those bastards deserve. I  just . . . ah hell . . .

 

Come on, Davey – you can’t. Not yet. Help me finish what we started.  Help me put these boys to bed . . .

 

And then what? You tuck me in later?

 

I’m ignoring you now. And as your boss, I am ordering you to get some sleep. Hutch needs his beauty rest. I’ve got to backlight you all day tomorrow.

 

You’re so good to me, Paulie. What am I going to do without you?

 

Oh, you’ll figure something out. So are we okay?

 

For now. But the minute after the martini, you’re mine.

 

We’ll see. Oh, and one more thing.

 

I’m all ears.

 

Yeah, I know – they make good handles.

 

Wha . . . ah Paulie – you made a sex joke – you do love me.

 

Was there ever any doubt?

 

These last months? Yes. Now? No.

 

What I wanted to say was – do you still have that jacket you wore in the pilot?

 

The letter jacket? I think so. Why?

 

I think you should wear it in the last scene. For Hutch. Full circle.

 

I don’t know if it still fits.

 

Wear it anyway. For me.

 

Only if you promise NOT to wear that fucking sweater. I hate that sweater.

 

Don’t worry. No sweater. I’m in the hospital. I’ll have tubes and IVs.

 

You mean you’ll be naked under that sheet I’m gonna crawl into? Again, Paulie – you do love me!

 

We’ll see. Now c’mon Davey – go to bed.

 

Not before you tell me you’re going to miss this. Me. Us.

 

In that order?

 

The truth, Paulie.

 

Yes, Davey. You know I am. Bullshit aside, it’s me and you. Always has been. Always will be.  And it’s going to be like cutting off my arm for a while. But it’s not the end. It’s . . . it’s . . . it’s a comma.

 

A coma?

 

A comma. A pause. I’m sure you’ll be calling me at  . . . oh hell, it’s 4am . . . I’m sure you’ll be calling me at 4am for years to come.

 

God, I hope so.

 

And Davey?

 

Yes Paulie?

 

Are you ever gonna shave that fucking moustache?

fin

 

 

Comments

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

*sniffles*

*goes to bed*

*sniffles some more*

[peg22.livejournal.com]

ahhh *hands virtual tissue*

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Okay I can't sniffle at this, sorry. I can only hug myself gleefully and enjoy the wonder that is your crack world. Love your take on this - shall never be able to watch Starsky getting shot seriously enough now. A comma indeed:)))))

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks girly - more to come surely . . .

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

How the hell do you manage to make me misty with crack? It makes no sense. Yet I'm not complaining. I loved this. I've never been really comfortable with RPS. But you, you changed my ways. Damn you. ;-)

[peg22.livejournal.com]

am so glad I brought you to the deliciousness of RPS . . .

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

::Kisses to you::

[peg22.livejournal.com]

back atcha

[dipslikeramon.livejournal.com]

Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

[provencepuss.livejournal.com]

The truth will out! Didn't know whether to laugh or cry; so I read it once laughing and then again crying!

You have a real talent for this kind of thing - no mistaking!

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks for reading!

[redtorino.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that someone made Sweet revenge more believable. I absolutely hate that episode (Sorry) but now, with this conversation taking place before the actual filming I can get what they were thinking LOL.
This was fun and , hmmmm, believable??? LOL

[peg22.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean - I enjoy SR much better after I've read lots of fic surrounding it, filling in all the gaps - and this just adds a layer, huh?! glad you liked it!

[usmom.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful!

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks - I do love writing those boys!

[solosundance.livejournal.com]

hey, just read this recc'd by Sheila on crack_van ... and I am full of glee. The guys' voices are just perfect and man ... the context *g* Hee, takes SR to a whole new level. I loved it, you're ace :))

[peg22.livejournal.com]

thanks! yes I do love writing crack with these boys - and for me it just gives me twice the canon to write about . . .

[wickedwonder1.livejournal.com]

oh, I like this. RPS in this fandom are as rare as hens' teeth and there needs to be more like this. yes!

[peg22.livejournal.com]

glad you liked it! I am keeping the RPS fires going . . . feel free to join in :)